I am Mrs. Suha Arafat, the wife of Yasser Arafat, the Palestinian leader who died recently in Paris. Since his death and even prior to the announcement, I have been thrown into a state of antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness by the present leadership of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and the new Prime Minister. I have even been subjected to physical and psychological torture. As a widow that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with everybody in the country at the moment.
You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account and companies and the allegations of some huge sums of money deposited by my husband in my name of which I have refuses to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government.
In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life. As you know, the Moslem community has no regards for woman, more importantly when the woman is from a Christian background, hence my desire for a foreign assistance.
I have deposited the sum of 21 million dollars with a Security financial firm in whose name is withheld for now until we open communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your bank account for safe keeping and Investment opportunity. This arrangement will be known to you and I alone and all our correspondence should be strictly on email alone because our government has tapped all my lines and are monitoring all my moves.
In view of the above, if you are willing to assist for our mutual benefits, we will have to negotiate on your Percentage share of the $21,000,000 that will be kept in your position for a while and invested in your name for my trust pending when my Daughter, Zahwa, will come off age and take full responsibility of her Family Estate/inheritance. Please, if you are honest, I am going to entrust more funds in your care as this is one of the legacy we keep for our children. In case you don't accept please do not let me out to the security and international media as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith and send to me your complete personal contact information.
May God bless you and your household.
Reply to email@example.com
A leftist will see the name of thankfully deceased camel humper Yasser Arafat and immediately think. "Wow. She is contacting me personally. I better sign up, as I assume there will be some opportunity to assist in the killing of more Jooooos!"
I got to admit though, it is pretty accurate account of things. The corrupt Palestinian government, the total disregard for women, the daughter Zahwa, and not least Arafat's stolen multi-billion dollar fortune, and the critical need for secrecy (overlooking the fact this has been emailed all over the web) all entirely accurate and plausible.
Why if I didn't have half a brain (i.e if I were a leftist) I too would probably believe that this is Arafat's widow wanting to pay me a share of $21 million for help and proceed to hand over all my bank account details, at which point I find my account emptied and then go and cry like a little bitch to the media about how the government should ban the internet, or at the very least, monitor and have to approve every single email that ever gets written to stop ones like this coming into the country, so idiots like me are protected from my own idiocy. Have I got that right, leftists?
Of course I have.
I certainly would not assume it was some variation of a Nigerian 419 scam and that perhaps it wasn't really Arafat's widow emailing me, nor that this person would empty bank account as soon as I handed over all the details to it. No, of course not. Nobody would think that.
Still, there are obviously enough morons getting sucked in to these to warrant the number of emails I get each week (over the course of one weekend my net worth went up by over $100,000,000 as a result of all the money I was promised for assisting with transfers like this one and the total of my European lottery winnings that I don't seem to remember buying a ticket for, yet appear to have won first prize in anyway)
To paraphrase one of my favourite movies of all time
"I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is stupid, as you clearly are, do you know that you're stupid? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Green Left Weekly", masticating on your own fingers, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking stupid I really am!"? Do you guys do that?"