Throw a Leftist Halloween Party!

This was written by one of my partners in crime, Michael Cooper and it is simply too good not to share....

Hey all you leftist shitbags and commies out there,

Are you tired of not being invited to Halloween parties in your neighborhood? Does your lack of social skills make you the pariah of your town? Are you pissed at the couple down the street who won't let you in their house just because you continually refer to them as "breeders?" Well #### 'em. How about throwing your very own Leftist Halloween party?

Invite all your Trotskyite friends and Howard Dean sycophants over for a party they won't soon forget. And the great thing is, you can just be yourselves! Here are some great costume ideas:

Feminist - Get a bowl and put it over your head. Now get a pair of scissors and cut your hair, letting the bowl be your guide. Your hair should look like Moe Howard from the Three Stooges (don't worry, it will grow back). If your hair isn't already grey, dye it for the evening. Next, get some gaudy Native American jewellery and put it on. Voila! You are a modern feminist. Be sure to tell everyone within earshot that you are a lesbian. Remember, like white trashers, feminists can't shut up about their sexuality for five seconds (even when they look like you do).

Trustafarian College Student - Get a cowardly lion costume from the Wizard of Oz collection. Take out the mane and put it on your head. You are a trustafarian leftist college student. Be sure not to shave or bathe for at least a week before the party (as if you would anyway). Bring a hackey sack, Frisbee, or some dope with you to the party. Try to sound intelligent throughout the night by parroting tired clich├ęs your Communism 101 professor told you about American "imperialism."

Islamist - Get a dirty bed sheet and wrap yourself up in it. Next, get some empty cardboard toilet paper rolls. Paint them black, and stick some string "fuses" into them. You are a member in good standing of the Religion of Peace. If you have kids, make sure you strap them up as well. Islamists love killing children, and now is your chance to show what a great dad you are. Of course, most leftists hate "breeders," so the chances of anyone with kids showing up at the party are slim to none.

Militant Vegan PETA Nazi - Dress up like a bum and carry some gasoline-soaked rags along with you. Like the trustafarian, you want to prattle on endlessly about what's wrong with America. But more importantly, you must tell every guest at the party (and especially the hosts) how much you despise them for eating meat, wearing leather, wearing faux leather, or breathing oxygen (because it kills living things). If you're feeling a little blue at the end of the party, that would be a good time to kill yourself and get the attention you never got from your mommy and daddy.

Miss America - If you're feeling particularly "beautiful," then show it! Go down to the hardware store and get all of the necessary leftist piercing accessories. You should be covered head to toe with fish hooks, nails, screws, knitting needles, and perhaps a railroad spike or two. You want to make sure you don't miss any of the requisite body parts: ears, lip, tongue, nose, eyebrow, throat, nipples, belly button, inner labia, outer labia, spleen, ovaries, intestines and womb. As the evening goes on, you may want to play a game which involves a hand-held metal detector and some of the more sexually curious lesbos and hermaphrodites at the party. Accessorize with nerdy Buddy Holly glasses and "It's my body" T-shirt.

Dalai Lama or other fad cult leader of the month - Who says leftists aren't spiritual? They will follow almost any trend that comes down the pike. Show up as the Dalai Lama, a witch, pagan, or whatever you want. Be sure to tell everyone what an expert you are on the Kabala (even though you've only been reading it for about a week). If you really want to score points, say that you're a Christian, but talk about how Christianity has spread nothing but misery and destruction across the globe.

....And here's the ultimate costume for leftists - Get some glue, a black marker, a fake scar, and about 20 bags of cotton. Glue the cotton all over your body. You should be completely covered, except for your nose and a small bald spot on the side of your head, which you will shave with an electric razor. Take a pair of old white socks and put them over your ears so they dangle down. Next, using the marker, color your nose black. By now, you should be as cute and cuddly as Lambchop. Finally, glue the fake Frankenstein scar over the bald spot on your head. You're finished! You are now one of the millions of MINDLESS SHEEP that blindly follow leftist professors, Air America, and Michael Moore. You are sure to be the hit of the party with this one. You may even get laid, provided you don't mind having sex with people who consider bathing to be harmful to the environment.

By the way, the costumes listed here (like everything else in your life) are gender neutral.

And be sure to decorate your house for that full Halloween effect. Make sure you put up several handmade "tombstones" to decry things you wish were dead like "George Bush," "Civil Rights," and "Amerikkka." It is of utmost importance that America be spelled with a "K" whenever possible (and preferably with three, because it's really funny and proves a point about something or other). If you really want to show your true colors, try throwing things at your neighbors' houses or yelling profane insults at their children when they come trick or treating. You want to stay as true to form as possible, and this is the normal SOP for any modern leftist shitbag.

Happy Halloween!

(cross-posted at The Asylum)

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