Happy Secular Gift Exchange Day, People!
Thanks to all our readers, contributors, commenters and trolls; I'd do this anyway, but it keeps me occupied when I'm drunk replying to your comments/contibutions and complaints.
If you're worried about offending anyone with a seasonal greeting, try this pro-forma hello from Australia's leading pusillanious politically-correct puffbucket Premier Steve Bracks:-
(but only if you accept the conditions below)
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter/summer solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, dietary or sexual preference of the wishee.
Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.
(Thanks to Bushy for the above items).
Meanwhile, any kiddies looking for a score from the big fat bogie in the red suit may be a bit dissapointed- it seems he has had a little problem with NORAD:-
GENERALS NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Well good morning FF.com
The following is based on a recently declassified actual incident.
Got my documentation right here.
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the skies air defenses were up with electronic eyes
The pilots were nestled in ready room beds as enemy silhouettes dance in there heads.
Every jet on the apron every SAM in its tube was triple redundantly linked to the blue cube. Elint and AWACS gave coverage so dense that nothing that flew could slip our defense.
When out of the klaxon arose such a clatter I danced to the screen to see what was a matter. I dialed up the game and quick as a flash fine adjusted the filters to damp out the hash and there the source of the warning we heeded a incoming blip by eight escorts preceded alert status red went the word down the wire as we gave every system the codes that meant fire on Aegis up Patriot, Phlax and Hawk scramble all fighters lets send the whole flock; launch decoys and missiles and use chaff by the yard call up the national guard.
They turned towards the target moved toward it converged till the tracks on the radar all merged and the sky lit up with a demonic light as are foe met his fate in the high artic night, so we sent some recon to look for debris and all they found on land and on sea was some toys a red hat a chard leather boot a broken sleigh bell white hair and a reindeers parachute.
Now its not quite Christmas with Saint Nick shot down there are unhappy kids in each village and town, but the spirit of Christmas cant hope to evade the web of defenses we made, but the crash program is on working hard night and day all the elves are constructing a radar proof sleigh, so lets wait till next Christmas in cheer and in health for the future has a hope Santa is coming by stealth.
Good night ALL
Blame the heightened measures required by the activities of believers in another prophet.
(Cross-posted on the Daily Diatribe.
By paul on Friday, December 24, 2004