Evil America!

Oh shock, oh horror – you evil Americans, you!!!

Log exposes shocking world of Guantanamo
An insight into the shocking world of Guantanamo Bay interrogators has emerged with publication of the ultra-secret log of their treatment of a prominent detainee.

In the first detailed official record of how the United States extracts information from terrorist suspects, the document chronicles 50 days of questioning of Mohammed al-Qahtani, a diehard follower of Osama bin Laden.
Well I’m shocked! Shocked to my very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very core!

Among its more eye-catching disclosures is the account of how Qahtani had water poured on his head and pop music blared into his cell to keep him awake during all-night sessions.
Dear God!!! Water? Poured? And music? Pop music?

My eyes are caught!

Of course, had that been moi, the water in question would have been approaching temperatures rivalling that of the surface of the Sun, and the music – well, let’s put it this way, how loud is 300,000 decibels?

Pretty clearly, though, these tricky Americans are far more evil, far more cunning. . .

The log highlights a range of bizarre approaches used to try to make "Detainee 063" crack.
Truly bizarre? Like feeding a live octopus into his rectum? Flapping his ears backwards and forwards fast enough to generate a stiff breeze? Attaching him to an industrial slapping machine? Filling his cell with sheep’s bladders and artichokes? Pumping a plague of genetically-engineered locusts up his nose? Or the old MI6 standard: a flock of Peruvian Archer bats in ski masks (don’t ask. . .)?


Gee, I wonder what it was. . .

On December 20, 2002, Qahtani was taught how to "stay, come and bark".
The log records that interrogators toughened their tactics in late 2002 after the Pentagon approved harsher techniques.
Toughened? Harsher? What could be worse than doggy school? No - please, no. . .

His questioning often started at midnight. When he dozed off, the hits of Christina Aguilera were piped into the interrogation chamber to wake him up.
Christina? Dear God – have you no pity?

When he threatened to go on a hunger strike and refused to drink, interrogators poured water on his head in a "game" dubbed "Drink Water Or Wear It".
Uh huh? For the ‘wear it’ option, it’s the accessorising I’d be more interested in (like a running threshing machine, dropped from a dizzying height).

Approval for the new tougher tactics was removed in early 2003.
Mercy, at last!

Qahtani is suspected of being the "missing 20th hijacker" from the September 11 attacks.
Is that all? And you made him go ‘woof, woof’ for that? You evil swine!

PS: are we truly this ridiculous?

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