North Korea's leadership demanded an apology yesterday from the United States for labeling the communist state an "outpost of tyranny," while at the same time saying its military was prepared to resume long-range missile testing.
In reporting the Foreign Ministry's statement, KCNA, the country's official news agency, referred to U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's remark calling the North "an outpost of tyranny," made in January at her confirmation hearings in Washington.
Don't expect the US administration to retract its statement anytime soon. But being the ultra-reasonable guy I am, I'm willing to take a stab at it.
Dear Supreme-Master Leader of Democratic People's Repub....OH HELL
Please be advised that the recent choice of words used by Condoleessa Rice in describing your country was most unfortunate. The vast majority of people in the western world fully understand and appreciate your efforts in striving for peace and democracy. Your track record on human rights is second to none. The citizens of your great nation are educated, productive and enjoy a quality standard of living, thanks in large part to you. People are allowed to engage in political debate free from fear of arrest and punishment. Your election system is one to lo and behold and one that we should model our own systems after. Your culture is strong and flourishing. The people of your great nation are both wise and knowledgeable in the ways of the world thanks to your free press.
Who cares if you want a few nukes? We understand the need for you to defend yourselves against the very real threat posed by the oppressive and borderline maniacal Japanese. Hell, if I lived as close to them as you do I too would be quivering in my boots. Who knows what devilish plans they have in the works for southeast Asia in general and your great nation in particular.
In conclusion allow me to say that the US government has been unfairly critical in its assessment of you. I, as do millions of other westerners see through the diabolical plot of George Bush to paint you as an oppressive totalitarian state. We stand in awe of your accomplishments. Know that we stand with you in spirit.
In peace and democracy,
[cross-posted to Rite Turn Only]