'Don't be fooled by the wraparound sunglasses and the excess hipness,' the Los Angeles Times said. 'Bono is deeply versed in the issues afflicting the least-developed nations of the world.'Suuure he is...
i say, if Bono is qualified to be president of the World Bank, why can't another singer become United Nations Secretary General. In fact, i made this very suggestion back in December.
i'm totally serious about this. Totally serious. Let's look at Elton John's qualifications, shall we?
- He couldn't be any worse than Kofi Annan.
- He's British, and Great Britain is in the United Nations.
- Even if he's not necessarily anti-American, he is sufficiently anti-Bush.
- He sometimes wears funky sunglasses.
- He's friends with Tim Rice.
- He can sing good.
- People seem to really like him.
- i think he's met the Queen.
- He knows how to play the piano.
- He could ask Dionne Warwick (who knows a bunch of psychics) to be one of his advisors because... well... that's what friends are for...
- He's got spunk.
- He probably looks good in a blue beret.
- It's the way that he move, the things that he do, wo-wo-o.
- And i'm sure there's a bunch of other things that make him qualified for the job, which i can't think of right now.
Please join me in this crusade. You can help. Next time the subject of the United Nations comes up at work, mention to your co-workers that you think Elton John would make an excellent Secretary General. Word will undoubtedly spread to the right people. Also, if you like to call radio talk shows, why not mention it on the air? That'd get the word out even faster. And i guess the best way to help would be to email the United Nations itself. Their address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
The motto of my new grass-roots movement will be "Why the 'ell not you bloody sons-a-bitches!" Which is what i would imagine Sir Elton would say if he were on board with this whole thing. Or if he knew about it at all. Which he doesn't, since i have no idea how to contact him. But i'm sure he'd be okay with it, because the idea is sure to catch on like wildfire.
As proof of that fact, check out this exclusive photo, from last year's Kennedy Center Honors gala in Washington D.C., where Sir Elton received some sort of award, and where i imagine there was much behind the scenes lobbying on behalf of Captain Fantastic.
It's only a matter of time before the mainstream media picks up on this, and when it happens, i plan to take full credit, of course.