Guns - those Americans!!

With their old-fashioned Christian values, their 'dead or alive' unilateralist mentality, what a bunch of boneheads ey, strutting around with those nasty guns, carrying spare magazines, shooting up cardboard cut-outs, rifles in the back of the truck and flying their flag, tut-tut. Well, I suppose there are a few of them like the ones in San Francisco, with nuance and who are willing to move into the new-age world. Perhaps the boneheads from south might learn from their more civilized countrymen and from us. We banned those nasty guns from ourselves many years ago, we recognized that it was time to move on from the old savage ways, we did the right thing and let go of those foolish concepts of defending yourself with force and instead chose the new ways of soft-power and outsourcing our security. If only those boneheads in America would just pause from cleaning their nasty pieces of cold metal and listen, perhaps then, they wouldn't have to deal with surges in their gun crimes, tut-tut, like the following.
Deployments of armed response units by police have increased by more than 50% in a decade. The surge in armed police call-outs was disclosed to MPs by Home Office minister Tony McNulty. In London, the number almost doubled during the same period, from 2,439 to 4,711, while in the West Midlands it nearly quadrupled, from 270 to 1,044. "Firearms offences used to be rare in Britain and we associated gun crime with America. Now it is a daily concern for millions of people in our country. Guardian Unlimited. I added the bold.
Whoops, make that a big WHOOPS, looks like the joke's on us folks, the Americans were right with their 'right to bear arms' all along, we wanted to be smart and new-age, so we banned guns, branded folks with guns as evil and nasty, we forced them to hand em' all over. Cut them all up and turned them into scrap, didn't matter if the person who had them before was law-abiding, no, no we weren't hearing any of it, tar them all with the same brush, the bastards, how dare they own a gun, how dare they defend themselves and their property. Like insolent little children, we passed laws and then more laws, we mocked the Americans and 'decreed' gun crime to be over. The humble pie is served, all you can eat, tuck in folks, compliments to the chef.

What is sad is that, not only have we proved ourselves arrogantly out of touch, but we're also dumber than the criminals in our midst, even they are more in touch with reality and human nature than we are. Ignore our ignorant bleating America, we really are speaking out of our backsides when we encourage you to give up your rights, to the rest of us living in our gun-free-kumbaya fantasies, I suggest you keep your phones charged and start praying that the 'armed response units' having been training recently, that they don't get stuck in traffic and don't shoot your ass by mistake when they eventually turn up.

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