Bond, Lame Bond

I'm not going to launch into a long-winded editorial as to why I believe English actor Daniel Craig is the worst Bond yet. Mainly because too many people already have, and it would just be boring if I added to the noise.

Plus, I'm not a Bond fanatic. Bond isn't supposed to be taken seriously. The last Bond films I liked starred Timothy Dalton. I liked them precisely because Dalton attempted to make them vaguely realistic.

I do, however, want to briefly take a look at the sort of "man" the Bond people have chosen to step into the boots once filled by men like Dalton and Connery. I think the latest Bond says a good deal about the way Britain has changed.

Craig is an actor. So, theoretically, if he can pretend for a bit to be someone whom he's not, he might be okay. Many people disagree, pointing out that he behaves, well, like a bit of a girl. I would tend to agree.

The first attacks against Craig began early, while reporters were still speculating as to who the next Bond would be. He was tagged "James Bland", presumably because of a lack of charisma. I thought he wasn't bad in Munich, but that was mainly because he played an assassin who (unlike the rest of the cast) didn't break down in tears every time he shot a terrorist.

When Craig was unveiled as the new Bond in a dramatic riverside launch, he didn't do himself any favours by the way he described the boatride he's just taken with several members of the Royal Marine Commandos:
"I would like to thank the Royal Marines for bringing me in like that, and scaring the shit out of me." [Followed by a fit of giggles - Ed]
Uncouth and unmanly, all in one sentence, beamed out to the entire world. This gaffe was compounded by the silly looking life-jacket that he fumbled to remove while leaving the boat.

This was closely followed by a damning indictment by actress Lois Maxwell, who will be forever entrenched in Bond lore for having played Miss Moneypenny in no less than fourteen Bond films:
"He has what you'd call an interesting face. Perhaps the make-up girls could do something to him, maybe give him a wig."
Ouch. She was never quite so mean to Sean.

Seemingly intent on emphasizing his lack of traditionally manly Bond-like qualities, Craig admitted that he was adverse to guns:
"I hate handguns. They are used to shoot people and as long as they are around, people will shoot each other. I've seen a bullet wound and it was a mess."
So we should ban all guns and live in peace. What a utopia that will be... until the criminals who have all the guns break down our doors and blow us to kingdom come.

He also announced that he was unable to drive a manual car:
"Er, I don't do gears."
The movie's producers had to go to some lengths and considerable expense to have Bond's traditional car, an Aston Martin DB5, modified, so that the automatic gearshift would "appear" to be manual.

Then, as we all know, Craig got smacked in the face by a lowly goon, and lost his two front teeth. But that can happen to anyone.

I've no idea about Craig's politics, but I think that I'm fairly safe in conjecturing that he isn't a big fan of conservatism. Bond, on the other hand, was always the conservative posterboy.

It is, I think, a sad reflection on the way our 'sensitive' society has neutered men, insisting that, in order to be more complete males, we need to be more like women. Britain has especially reflected this trend. Criminal sentencing is a joke, the police aren't armed and the military has been severely neglected since its Thatcherite period of supremacy.

How long will it be, I wonder, before we see Bond behind a desk, with Moneypenny striding in to halfheartedly flirt with him, before disappearing inside the office of 'M'... who is now, of course, female.

Well, at least we still have Martin Riggs.

Oh, wait... No, we don't.

The makers of the Lethal Weapon series made sure to finish the series with Riggs cheerfully playing the whipped husband to his much more sensible and hardy wife. And sidekick Roger was revealed as a girdle-wearing romance writer, authoring Mills and Boon novels under a female pen-name.

No neutering going on there at all.

Well, we still have Clint. Thank God.

Cross-posted from FoJ.

No comments:

Post a Comment

All comments containing Chinese characters will not be published as I do not understand them