Of Bigfoot and Bullshit

News was going around late last week of NEW PICTURES OF BIGFOOT!?!1!!1!1 OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO PISS MY PANTS WITH EXCITEMENT!?1!?!1!1!!

Look at the first one – that looks like some animal – a bear perhaps, getting up and mooning the camera


The second one looks like the same mangy bear


but then I saw the third one and nearly fell out of my chair:


It is a fucking bear! It does not look remotely like anything else other than a fucking bear. It looks more like a bear than the “classic” footage looks like a man in a suit – and that is clearly a man in a suit.

What is it about dickheads that make people believe this shit? And more to the point, what makes these dickheads go on to study shit like this, calling themselves cryptozoologists and waste their life (and our time having to hear about it) hunting shit like this?

Now I am not saying there are no undiscovered species left. It is entirely possible, if not probable, that there are new and undiscovered species of ants and butterflies and spiders and fish and lizards and small jungle rodents waiting to be found, but giant monsters still waiting to be discovered after a hundred years of every dipshit with too much time looking for them? Come on…

Yes at one point in my life I wanted to be a cryptozoologist. I had dreams of travelling around the world, capturing the Loch Ness Monster, trapping Bigfoot and a Yeti, finding that horsehead monster in some African lake and capturing a Nondescript – no not one of those scam creatures Charles Waterton made, this nondescript I read in a book titled Unexplained Mysteries or something (same book that gave me the heads up about the African horsehead monster – but then I turned 8 years old and realised that Bigfoot was a man in a suit, the Loch Ness Monster was a great marketing scam by the locals to get stupid tourists to visit a town nobody would otherwise visit, and the so called nondescript in the book had a description and an artist’s impression of a creature that looked like the body of a merman, skinny bony arms with sharp claws and a big round mouth full of pointy teeth, much like a grey nurse shark but with narrower and pointier teeth – and that description pretty much killed its claim to nondescriptiveness and thus was bullshit.

Oh and the fact the guy who found it was digging a hole or something and pulled this thing out all curled up in a ball, and thinking it was dead, put it in a big glass container, before it apparently woke up and broke its glass container and escaped.

Yes as a seven year old kid that was very exciting and scary and entirely plausible, but come on – time to grow up people.

It would come as little surprise that most of these fuckwits would turn out to be leftists...

(cross-posted at The Asylum)

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