Some Australian news

Attractive cricket promotion

What the bloody hell does Richie Benaud think of this? The doyen of cricket is joined by bikini babe Lara Bingle - clad in parochial green and gold togs and cricket pads - in Channel 9's new Ashes campaign. "So, where the bloody hell are you?'' Bingle says in the promo, coining her Tourism Australia catchcry to attract viewers to the series. Benaud's thoughts are simple. "Marvellous,'' he says.


Respect the US, urges Murdoch

Anti-Americanism is on the rise in Australia, fuelled by the unpopularity of the Iraq war among young people, Rupert Murdoch said last night. Speaking in Sydney, Mr Murdoch warned Australians against allowing doubts about the US administration to fester into an irrational antipathy that saw America as a greater threat to world peace than al-Qaeda. "Australians must resist and reject the facile, reflexive, unthinking anti-Americanism that has gripped much of Europe," said Mr Murdoch, chairman and chief executive of News Corporation, parent company of the publisher of

Addressing a star-studded audience, including Prime Minister John Howard, at the inaugural American Australian Association benefit dinner, Mr Murdoch said America had to work to address criticisms that it took Australia too much for granted "and not come calling only when in need". "Australian sentiment is thankfully nowhere near Europe's level of hostility - but it could get there, and it mustn't," Mr Murdoch said. "In the coming century America will find Asia more important than ever - and its alliance with Australia more useful than ever."

He spoke about the importance of finding new sources of energy to avoid the potentially catastrophic effects of climate change and to lessen dependence on oil "whose profits in some instances help to finance terror and prop up hostile regimes".

Political, business and academic leaders joined media and sporting personalities including golfer Greg Norman, designer Collette Dinnigan and filmmaker Baz Luhrmann at the dinner. Lachlan Murdoch and wife Sarah shared a table with family members, while PBL chairman James Packer and partner Erica Baxter sat with PBL bosses. The benefit dinner honoured Mr Murdoch for his contribution to Australian-American relations and launched the new United States Studies Centre at the University of Sydney. Mr Murdoch said the centre, an initiative between the American Australian Association and the Federal Government, would "raise awareness, dispel myths, groom new leaders" and increase ties between the two countries.


The great Patrick White massacre is about to be unleashed

Australian homosexual author Patrick White got a Nobel prize for literature. Most people who try to read his novels wonder why. The satire below by Alex Dobes refers to a recent discovery of some of White's unpublished work

The discovery of Patrick White's rough drafts just shows that there's a good and bad side to everything. The five people in the world who actually read Patrick White novels will be pleased, but spare a thought for the English literature PhDs toiling away in the essay factories of India. The last time the English department at Sydney University set a Patrick White essay topic, the whole student body hopped on the internet and desperately offered their credit card numbers to anyone who could take away the pain. The Indian essay mills happily took up the offer.

The only problem was their burnout rate was horrendous. The essay companies tried to outsource the work to Burma, but the military censors there refused to believe that anyone would seriously publish such tripe, and assumed that the text must contain secretly coded instructions on how to overthrow the regime. Twenty PhDs had to make a dash for the Thai border.

Once across the border, the Burmese PhDs applied for refugee entry to Australia. The Minister for Immigration applied the "Patrick White clause" of the immigration regulations. Just as former employees of the Australian Army in Vietnam are given special consideration for entry to Australia after their release from Vietnamese prison camps, the minister is able to grant indulgence to foreigners who have read a Patrick White novel, particularly if they did this in a professional capacity. They, too, have suffered for Australia. (According to the same regulations, anyone who has read more than eight White novels is considered unsuitable, and shipped straight back to whichever mental home they escaped from.)

Naturally the 15 refugees didn't want to go anywhere near a literature faculty. Nor could they work in a bookshop, because there was always the danger of reading about Patrick White by accident - he even crops up in a Barry Humphries poem. So they went into advertising but, their minds still damaged, the Burmese could only produce gibberish like "Carlton. The beer that's made from beer."

So this Patrick White rough draft discovery could turn into a massacre. English departments will discover a rich source of essay topics, and the poor Indians will not know what hit them. Think of reading not just a Patrick White novel, but a Patrick White novel with diatribes against Malcolm Fraser, misanthropic asides about former friends, and complaints about traffic noise in Centennial Park. I am setting up a foundation to aid victims. I am happy to forward your donation, after deducting a small administration fee.



No comments:

Post a Comment

All comments containing Chinese characters will not be published as I do not understand them