Marriage

What a fascinating discussion was had by all in the recent thread introduced by JR. Fascinating, in as much as many of the contributors had a fairly varied and yet largely single-minded approach to what Marriage is all about (whether by choice or by perspective). Numerous points were made about ‘rights’, about ‘equal citizenship’, about ‘recognition’ (in this case of partnership), about ‘oppression’, about ‘prejudice’.

Virtually none, however, addressed the most crucial point of all, and that is what the ideal – ideal – of Marriage, as an institution, should be all about (rather than what it has become):

Children; the nurture of our next generation.

Let me offer something I also offered on that thread:

Some time back, I was given an anecdote by someone I know. It was a discussion this person had had, with a social worker acquaintance. I won’t go into the details, other than to say that this social worker was a woman and a raging lefty, which means that I believed the statistics she quoted (for reasons that will become rapidly obvious).

This person said that of all abused children, only a certain percentage were abused at the hands of natural fathers.

Now - can you guess what that percentage was?

My guess would have been a significant number, given what I had been lead to believe by press article after press article.

Here’s the figure:

Two percent.

Of all abused children (the definition of that abuse being particularly broad) just 2 percent was at the hands of natural fathers.

My jaw was on the ground when I heard this, as, no doubt, is yours now. This is *not* the picture I had received from our dear press. In fact, I would have disbelieved the anecdote, had it not come from a lefty (perversely enough).

So - here’s my point. Please, ask yourself a question. Why are *natural* fathers being so maligned by our organs of information dissemination, given this apparent fact?

What agendas are being served by this appalling lie, in terms of what we are lead to believe, and what actually occurs?

This anecdote concentrated on fathers. I suspect, however, that the percentage quoted would probably apply fairly equally to both sexes, though it does, no doubt, vary from community to community (in fact, I know it does). That these people are mentally unstable (for whatever reason) is a given, in my book, and is, no doubt, why the figure is so low. The protection of our own children is woven into our very fabric (as is the protection of all children, though to far less compelling effect, as is obvious, given children are, in fact, abused, and most commonly at the hands of non-biological parents/partners/defactos, relatives or friends).

So what’s the point of this? Simple: sane, biological parents don’t abuse their children. The upshot? If one enters into a childrearing situation with a partner that is not a biological parent, then one is increasing the risk that that child will be abused. The bottom line is that no responsible person (no matter their sexuality) should enter into that situation without a damn good think about whether or not they should. In that respect, I simply do not believe our society should be encouraging that situation (a far cry from forbidding it, though that feeling does vary occasionally, depending on the 'irresponsible du jour' I am presented with).

There is another point, though, and that speaks to the agenda behind the lie and the appalling damage that lie has done. Clearly, those who push this lie, and this agenda, don’t give a stuff about that (though some do, I hope). I find this both tragic, and deeply, deeply depressing.

So – what of Marriage? A good point was made, speaking to the watering down of Marriage at the hands of our modern, secular society. I couldn’t agree more. Marriage, as an institution, has been thoroughly kicked around the kitchen. The fact is, I hate that – I view at as being deeply destructive. But, given this fact (and how I feel), should I then just roll over and say, ‘oh well, that’s okay then’?

To those who would argue: ‘We wanted to make a statement’, I reply: what’s the point of Marriage, then, when you could just as simply get up in front of family and friends and make that statement? What did a Marriage Certificate give you? Other answers might then include ‘acceptability’, ‘tradition’, ‘what was expected of us’. Others yet again will point out the economic benefits.

I actually hold with none of that.

My partner and I have been together for a quarter of a century. We have been Married for slightly less than half that. We lived together for many years. We only married, in the end, because we decided to have children. Until that time, and without that consideration, we had both seen the observation of that ceremony, in the traditional sense, as meaningless (to us). We didn’t feel we needed a piece of paper to declare that we were together. The prospect of children changed the way we thought (as, ideally, it should). In that respect, our Marriage, its ceremony, all that it represented, was about our commitment (as much psychological as social) to the family we were to create together.

For us, the issue of Marriage, as an ideal, has nothing to do with gay rights. It has nothing to do with single rights. It has nothing to do with heterosexual rights. It has nothing to do with economics, citizenship, badges of equality (or oppression), politics, left and right, agendas, side-effects and spin-offs – nothing to do with the whole damned can of worms it finds itself tangled up in. . .

Firstly, it has to do with those who are yet to be, and what is the very best for them.

Secondly, it is a vehicle that seeks to bring about the crystallisation of an emotional framework that must be present in both parents’ minds, before the enormous commitment and responsibility of shared parenthood and family should be undertaken.

And the fact that this has all been so largely lost is, for me, the greatest tragedy of all.


PS: for those who cynically see this post as being nothing more than a veiled attempt at furthering the oppression of whatever minority you see yourself belonging to, just do me a favour and piss off immediately.