Some people adore me

Sure. I get fan mail. Throngs of them, thrust heatedly into my email account by feverish young women with only one thought on their passion-addled little minds.

Then I wake up, and I realize that the only fan mail I've received this week is from three gender-confused American leftist musicians, who in their abject devotion to me have lovingly penned a sweet sweet ballad (entitled "Mikey J is a Homo" - classic desire projection)of illicit longing.

Now, I have to admit, it's pretty awful. They can't harmonize for crap, and the younger, spottier uglier one whose name I always forget... not Tbone... Not Wally... -- who once romantically offered to rape my unborn children, until I threatened him with sudden, unpleasant life ceasation -- sounds as though the surgical proceedure to retrieve his little sister's hamster went tragically wrong.

But there is undeniable passion in their words, and I felt compelled as soon as I heard it, to run down to the local police station and renew the restraining order.

Yes, the Good Flame is still around; lingering proof that the laws regarding the detention of known child molestors are horribly inadequate.

Update: Also in utterly deranged leftist news, Mr Lefty (a name that, for some reason fills my mind with images of a man with a bag over his head, running from a courthouse as a mob of angry parents bearing burning torches and pitchforks scream "Castrate him! Why won't somebody think of the children?!") has infered that Prime Minister Howard created the tsunami in order to distract the Australian public, so that he might deport the Bakhtiyaris covertly.

It's sad to see onset of BDS (Bush Derangement Syndrome) affect one so young.

A tragic reminder of how many bullets we're going to have to expend when my glorious regime comes to fruition.

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